Join us and you’ll never be roonied…

We’ve come up with a new word this week and we hope it makes it all the way to the Oxford English Dictionary.

It’s a verb, to ‘rooney’, meaning to jeopardize one’s entire world in pursuit of some ephemeral and ultimately worthless ‘high’. We reckon that we’ll soon be referring to sleazebags, cads and lounge-lizards as ‘doing a rooney’, and to cuckolded partners as having been ‘roonied.’

Those snatching divorce from the gaping jaws of ‘til death us do part’ will, from this day forward, will be referred to as a ‘proper rooney’.

Stories published in the press over the weekend dwelt on the combined fortune of Wayne and his recently roonied wife Colleen. We didn’t realise what a phenomenon Brand Rooney has become. Man and wife are both 24 years old and already they have amassed a fortune of £33m. And have you seen that gaff in Cheshire? (If not, check this out). And then there’s his million a year from Nike, £600k from Coca Cola and the small matter of £5m per annum from Man U.

She’s contributed a few quid too, what with her telly work and her books and magazine column. If she were at AB, why, she’d be close to being our top earner! But, notwithstanding all of this, the way things are looking today, W&C could end up in the toilet.

We’ve been canvassing opinion on the matter here at Bower’s Towers and drawing one or two comparisons. First, there’s The Boss. He’s a genuine family man, a one-woman-bloke who dotes on his kids and would cut off his arm before he’d do anything to demolish what it has taken him 30 years to build. Then there’s Vick, and she’s got form: a former boyfriend was once summarily dismissed without so much as a backwards glance when he transgressed; so no prizes for guessing what she thinks Colleen should do.

As for R-Y, we reckon that he’s been a bit of a rooney in his time and we’ll leave it at that. Houses, cars, wives, children; he’s had them and lost them all on one turn of pitch and toss, as the Kipling who doesn’t bake cakes once wrote. But even his track record didn’t prevent him from referring to Wayne as ‘unutterable scum’.

‘A bit harsh’, as they say on Talk Sport.

It did make us think about our business, though. As one of the country’s leading agencies when it comes to vending, catering and all things associated therewith, there have been times when companies competing with our clients have perpetrated the corporate equivalent of flashing a bit of thigh, or undoing a blouse button too many, in an attempt to get us into bed with them. Naturally, their idea is that our life partners (clients who have been with us through thick and thin since we opened the doors 18 years ago and shouted ‘ready!’), could be left in the dark whilst we enjoy fleeting, illicit liaisons beyond the ‘marital bed’.

Yes, there are companies out there that don’t care if we play away and will give us a very nice time, thank you very much. Discretion assured and expected…

Thankfully for AB, it’s The Boss, with his in-bred love of family, hearth and home, who is in the pilot’s seat. This is A Good Thing. If, God forbid, R-Y was in the chair, we’d be in trouble. Rumour has it that he can resist anything except temptation. Having said that, he’s recently revamped, re-branded, remarried and removed, so we’ll wait and see. Maybe a rooney can change? Unless his name is Wayne…

So, think on if you’re considering doing business with us. We’re in the market for an LTR, not a one-night stand with good-lookers who turn out to be ‘all fur coat and no knickers.’ There may be occasions when we don’t excite each other quite as much as we once did, and there may be times when one partner or the other looks longingly at the verdant pastures of the other side… but once we’re together, we won’t be doing a rooney on you. Whatever happens, you can be sure of that…